Friday 40 for 40s - #17: real life

Items #4 and #34 that I'm learning I can't change is:

Vacations are not real life.  You always have to come back to reality
and
Once you live anywhere for an extended period of time, it becomes normal and ceases to be exotic

I love a great vacation.  The best ones for me generally involve a beach or going somewhere iconic.  To my recollection, all the vacations we've taken have been amazing, and part of that is related to my attempts to make sure they are well planned out.  I always want to know that it's going to be a great place, great vibe, know where we're going and particularly if we're going somewhere with lots of amazing sights (New York, Chicago, etc), I want to make sure we get to the key places we want to see.

I know how important vacations are to my overall wellbeing, so I want to make the most of them, every time.  The challenge can be that in creating such a great experience and having such an amazing time, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking "why can't life be like this all the time?"

I have come to recognize and accept that vacations are not real life - in fact, if what I did on vacations were what real life was like all the time, then I'd stop appreciating them so much.  Instead, I've learned to appreciate vacations for what they are - a time of relaxing, doing things we love as a family, creating memories - and then taking the principles from those times (healthy rest, creating memories, having fun together) and infusing those into the flow of every day life.

While it's a lot harder to create those moments week by week, I recognize that there's always another vacation around the corner, so I don't need to put too much pressure on myself to try and emulate them in my every day life.

Along similar lines, I've realized I can be guilty of thinking "life would be better if we lived here" - especially when we've done trips to places like New York or stayed at a great beach house.  Moving to Toronto was an eye-opening experience with that mindset, though - we realized fairly quickly that once you live somewhere for a time, it ceases to become exotic and just becomes "home".  Real life.  That's not a bad thing at all, but it is another reminder to embrace where we are and recognize that if we were somewhere else, real life would follow us there, too, so how do we make the most of where we are, rather than wishing for something else.

Friday 40 for 40s - #16: TMI

Item #26 that I'm learning I can't change is:

There will always be more books to read, movies to watch, sports to watch, TV shows to discover and music to listen to than I will have time for

I love all of those things - reading a great book, being moved by a powerful movie, watching the Patriots, Raptors or Blue Jays play, enjoying a great TV drama, listening to incredible music.

With all of the options available to us now though, especially with streaming services like Netflix, I am learning to accept that I'm never going to watch, read or listen to it all.  My Netflix list is ridiculous - it has over 100 titles in it!  I'm never going to make the time to watch all those movies and certainly never be able to watch entire series of shows that I've never seen.

What's fascinating to me is that even though I know that's true, when I look at Netflix, generally the first thing I do is look at the New Arrivals - what else has been added to Netflix that I can watch?!  My list is already too long, but I keep searching for something even better - even though I can't remember half of what is in my list.

Even more scary (and embarrassing) is the recognition that there is a level of stress caused by all this - as someone who is a high achiever and likes checking things off a list, having a list that is never going to be complete can actually breed anxiety.  I know there's something unresolved, something I haven't finished, so it can cause me to feel like I have to make it a priority.

I have the same feeling in October each year - when baseball playoffs have begun, the NFL is kicking into full gear and the NBA starts up... there's so much to watch (and we don't even have cable!)  Trying to keep up with all those scores (and know enough of what's happening with the Leafs to participate in those important conversations...) can again be a source of stress.

Instead, I know I need to just accept that I will never be able to be on top of things - and that's ok.  I can enjoy the things I get to do, when I get to do them, rather than feeling like it's another "must do" that defeats the whole purpose of watching, reading or listening to it in the first place.

40 for 40s #14: no guarantees

Item #32 that I'm learning I can't change is:

I cannot guarantee the result of any sporting event I think about attending

Sunday night is Superbowl XLIX when the Seattle Seahawks will try to win back to back titles against the New England Patriots, who will play in their 6th Superbowl of the Belichick/Brady era.  As a Patriots fan who started following them in the early 00s when they won 3 in 4 years, I'm fairly nervous.  I have vivid memories of the Pats losing the Superbowl in 2012 and 2008 and I'm not sure if I can handle watching them lose another.  Sadly, this Superbowl has been tainted by #deflategate (if you don't know what that means, you haven't missed much) but I choose not to comment on those allegations here other than to say... really?

Instead, the purpose of this post is to focus on the fickle unpredictability of sporting events.  I first learned this lesson on October 19, 1996.  I will admit I had to do some searching to find the date... but I clearly remember the circumstances.  I was a huge Adelaide 36ers fan (Adelaide's team in the Australian National Basketball League), having held season tickets for a couple of years.  They made the playoffs and in the 2nd round, I was there to witness them lose a heartbreaker at home in game 1 to the South East Melbourne Magic.

One of my friends made the crazy suggestion that we drive to Melbourne (a 9.5 hour drive) for game 2 a few days later and we decided to go for it.  We left super early (4 am or so) and arrived in Melbourne mid afternoon.  After a pleasant afternoon on the banks of the Yarra River, we went in with high expectations about our heroes defeating the evil villains in black...

The result?  The 6ers were pounded, losing by 31 points and were out of the playoffs (it was a best of 3 series).  We were so depressed, we walked out of the arena at the end of the game, got back in the car and drove straight home.  It was just over 24 hours from when we left Adelaide to when we arrived back.  Some road trip.

In the aftermath of our failed quest, it hit me... there was never any guarantee that the 6ers would win and that this was a universal truth in the sporting world.

Many, many years later and after a number of experiences of celebrating victory (Adelaide Crows back to back AFL titles in 97 and 98, 36ers championships in 98 and 99, Chicago Bulls victories in 96, 97, 98 (97-99 really were great years!)) and many more losses (too many to even bother naming), I'm even more aware than ever that there is no point in me choosing to attend a sporting event or even watch one with an expectation of guaranteed victory.

This most important part of this lesson is that it gives me perspective about the choice to spend significant amounts of money attending sporting events.  As someone who is often acutely aware of history in the making, there's a part of me that would love to be present to soak up those moments.  I would love to have been there to see the Jays win their World Series; to have seen Jordan hit the game winner in Game 6 of the 98 finals; even to have seen Jeter in his final game at Yankee Stadium.  Yet those moments are rare and given that there are no guarantees, it is questionable whether it's a great use of money to hope something amazing will happen - especially for big ticket items.

Instead, I'd rather focus on what I know is guaranteed wins - investing in relationships, spending time with people (yes, sometimes at sporting events), putting our money into things that will have a long-lasting (and definite) impact.

On Sunday night, I'll be watching the game at home, hoping against hope that the Pats can get over the line.  While I'd love to be there if they do, I couldn't cope with net result of spending the money on airfares, hotel, tickets and food if they don't.  Some may call that pessimism.  Some would say "even if they do win, it's still a waste of money!"  I call it another 40 for 40 lesson.

Go Pats!!

Friday 40 for 40s - #13: travel

Item #14 that I'm learning I can't change is:

There are more places in the world that I’d like to see than I will have resources and/or time to visit

My first international trip happened in 2006 when I travelled to the US.  It was an incredibly significant moment for me - I was on my own and there was something about being able to go on a significant journey, making my way through multiple airports, customs, immigration and to experience a different culture that really awakened something in me.

Until that point I didn't have much of a desire to travel much - it was a nice idea, but it wasn't high on my priority list.  I'm not even sure what it was that changed, but there's no question that once I returned from that first trip, the idea of seeing other cities became something of a passion piece.

I'm very grateful that since then I've been able to travel to London and Bulawayo (Zimbabwe), as well as multiple trips to Chicago, New York and Los Angeles and to see Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, Boston and Washington DC.  I know many of our Canadian friends would also love to see many of the places we saw when we lived in Australia, too - Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Cairns, Perth... and of course Adelaide!

What I've discovered in my travels is that there really isn't an end point - I'd love to see the East coast of Canada, would love to visit Europe (especially Italy, France and Spain) and there are few people who wouldn't be happy to spend some time on a beach in the Caribbean (especially at this time of year!!)  I know there's little to no chance that we'll have the financial resources to be able to visit all those places, nor the many others that would be amazing to see but don't make the top priority list.  In the end, the more places that we visit, the more places we'd like to visit, let alone going back to spend more time at the places we enjoyed most.

While I'm sure that we'll continue to make it a priority to do some travel, my sense is that in the years to come, I'll let go of the desire to see everything and instead be more intentional about investing our time and resources in decisions that will have a greater impact that just good memories.

Friday 40 for 40s - #12: exercise

Items #12 and 36 that I'm learning I can't change are:

Exercise will never be something I jump out of bed wanting to do

but

I am significantly sharper and more motivated when I work out at least 3 times per week

Sport and exercise have always been a big part of my life.  At different times in my life, I've been heavily involved in basketball and tennis and I had a gym membership for many years.  In 2013 my gym shut down and I decided to buy some equipment for a home gym with the money I would have spent on a membership that year.

My biggest issue with regular exercise, especially since I stopped playing basketball regularly, has been that I'm not a morning person (at all...) and I've secretly hoped that as I got older I'd magically feel more motivated to get up and exercise.  As I passed 40, I realized that's probably not going to change at any point going forward and it's something that I simply need to make a priority or it won't happen.

Having equipment downstairs in our basement meant that over the last couple of years I was able to get into a fairly decent routine of exercising 3 times each week - it's amazing how much easier it is to get up and exercise in the winter knowing that I didn't have to scrape the ice or snow off the car, put on a coat, trackpants, gloves, etc, etc just to get to the gym.

Getting into that routine has made me aware how much sharper and clearer I am when I make it a priority.  I can now tell when I've skipped a few days in a row - initially I can't work out why I'm not as productive or effective, but then I think about when I worked out last and it all makes sense.  One workout and boom... back to being focused again.

The change that has been the most helpful for me has been to look at my schedule at the start of each week on a Sunday night or Monday morning and decide, on the basis of when I have early starts or late nights, when I'm most likely to be able to get up an extra 45-60 mins earlier to be able to workout.  It's made a huge difference and has also meant that I've been able to often find "bonus" days to squeeze in an extra one.

While I wish that I had the ability to flick a switch and suddenly become a morning person, I'm grateful that I've been able to navigate through what works best so that I can make exercise a priority, knowing how much of a difference it makes - in the present and for the future.

Friday 40 for 40s - #10: Memories

Item #15 that I'm learning I can't change is:

Most memories only stay strong if they are accessed and reminisced regularly

As we turned the page from 2014 to 2015 I spent some time sorting our photos for 2014, including making a folder of the best of 2014.  I've realized that if I don't do this each year, we simply have too many photos to easily look through (the curse of digital photography...), but having a smaller sample of these photos allows us to easily flick back through the year and remember all that happened.  At some point I'm hoping to take these photos and make a movie with some of our favourite songs from last year to make it even easier (and more enjoyable) to look back on.

One important reason why I've made this a priority is because I'm convinced that a lot of what we do and don't remember (especially from our childhood and adolescence) is tied to how frequently we access memories around those times.  For our kids, they have clear memories of a few trips that we've taken because we made photo books of those trips and try to pull them out on a regular basis.  Seeing the places we went to and key moments we had help the memories to stay fresh in their minds.

I've become more and more aware of the importance of journalling for the same reason.  Journalling is an important spiritual discipline for me because I find it helpful to be able to get out on paper how I'm feeling, what I've been processing and what's on my mind as I head into each day.  However, last year on one of my personal retreats, I took my journals with me and re-read them and was grateful to be able to reflect on and be transported back to specific moments and to realize areas where I'd grown, where I'd changed and also where I'd still not taken the opportunity to move on in certain areas.

As someone who is wired to look forward and to focus on what needs to be "fixed", I know how important it is to be able to look back and remember, to be reminded about the good things that have happened (not just the mistakes or missed opportunities), to practice gratitude for all the everyday moments and significant events and to be able to see where things have changed and moved.

Looking forward to seeing how it all unfolds in 2015!

Friday 40 for 40s - #9: 20 seconds of courage

Item #19 that I'm learning I can't change is:

 20 seconds of courage is all it takes to overcome most obstacles

This learning was blatantly lifted from the movie We Bought A Zoo, a movie which was significantly more powerful than I had expected.  The main character in the movie (played by Matt Damon) drops the line "You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it" and it is a mentality I have found incredibly useful.

I have lost count of the number of times that I have used this as a starting point over the past couple of years - less to achieve something great or profound and more to tackle things that I don't want to do.  It is surprising how many things I shy away from, how many hard conversations I don't have, how many things don't get completed, all because it's so hard to get started.  It's been incredibly useful to simply say "20 seconds..." and suddenly I'm on the way to getting something done.  It hasn't just helped me with big or significant things either - it has helped me to get annoying little tasks done, too (even getting out of bed in the morning!)

I will be upfront and say that in many ways my life is ridiculously easy and I have been very fortunate and privileged to have not had any serious major obstacles to overcome, for which I am very grateful.  I am therefore more than happy to be challenged and corrected about whether this mentality is useful if there is something really significant going on.  If it's too naive or simplistic for that, it was never my intention to belittle the struggles that I know many people have.

Having said that, I do believe that embracing the idea of "I'll just give this 20 seconds of courage" is going to be of some use in almost every situation - even if it's just to make a hard choice to start another day, to take on another round of treatment, to enter another counselling session or to persevere for a little bit longer.

For me, I want to keep putting it into practice because by this point in my life, I doubt I'm every just going to have the willpower or motivation to simply get some of these things done.  I know how important they are though, so I'll keep taking them on 20 seconds at a time.

Friday 40 for 40s - #8: Technology

Item #30 that I'm learning is:

The moment I purchase new technology, it’s already been superseded

It was interesting to watch the reaction to Apple's big media event yesterday.  Much of what I've read has had a sort of "meh" tone to it - some interesting upgrades, but nothing spectacular - especially when they tagged the event is "It's been way too long".  The implication was that something significant (Apple TV...?) was going to be introduced, but instead it really didn't seem like there was a lot of new innovation.

What I've found really fascinating is that lots of people have since asked "Why would I need to upgrade my iPad?" (the main focus of the event).  Normally with Apple products, even if people don't need to upgrade, you really want to (see iPhone, 6 as the most recent example).  The general consensus is that the existing products already do everything most people need them to, so why would they spend the money to upgrade?

At different times in my life, I've been drawn to the excitement of the latest and greatest, but I have a clear recollection of the time I first realized that the company whose product I was purchasing (a computer) was already probably at least 2 or 3 models ahead in development.  Sure enough, within 6 months my new purchase was at least superseded, if not obsolete.

I have since tried to be wiser about making decisions about purchasing new technology, asking the question "will this new purchase really give me the ability to do something significantly different to what I already have?"  A very current example is that we purchased a new laptop for home use when we first moved to Canada 5 years ago and there's a huge temptation to upgrade - partly because it can be pretty slow, partly because it's pretty heavy, partly because after 5 years, the trackpad and buttons are starting to show some wear and tear.  However, as Ali and I have discussed the idea of upgrading, the major question has been... do we really need to?  (Decision is still pending, by the way!)

I'm also more and more conscious (as I've written about previously and will be writing about again) that newer technology can be extremely detrimental to the priorities I want to set in my life.  Having something that makes it easier for me to access email/social media/the internet/apps mostly works against the disciplines I'm trying to work on.  I have to say that I'm not really at all convinced that I'm interested in having a watch that tells me when I've got a new email/message/notification - I find it hard enough to switch off as it is!

In the end, maybe this is all just part of turning 40 - I'm becoming one of those crotchety old men who says (insert old man voice here) "I don't know what you see in this new fangled technology.  When I was a boy..."  Either way, as technology accelerates at a faster and faster rate, I'm sure taking a step back before making purchases is going to become increasingly important.

Friday 40 for 40s - #6: money

Item #5 that I'm learning I can't change is:

I can’t get back $ that I’ve already spent

(see here for the full list)

One of the goals that I set as I turned 40 was to meet with our financial advisor to talk about the state of our finances, how we're doing with saving for retirement and what to do about life insurance.  I feel like we're in an ok place with these things, but I admit I have pretty limited knowledge, so an informed opinion was very welcome.

It was great to be able to look forward and do some planning, but I have to admit it's reminded me about some of the decisions that I made earlier on - especially in my 20s.  I have no idea why I bought so many cassingles (if you're under 30, I'm sure you have no idea what those are) and have a vivid memory of the one time I spent a hideous amount on some basketball shoes that never quite felt right.  If they'd been a pair of Jordans, I'm sure the regret would have been much lower...

I think back on some of those choices and would love to tell my 20-something self to put that money to better use - preferable somewhere that would have earned some interest and have me further ahead than where I am now.

However, as the purpose of the list states, I can't change those choices, but it is a huge motivator now to be more conscious of where I am spending money, recognizing that once it's spent, that's it and I can't get it back.  As I move forward, I want to make sure I'm continuing to use the money we've got in ways that are most effective and impacting for the short, medium and long term. 

Friday 40 for 40s - #5: The kids

Item #7 that I'm learning I can't change is:

Our kids will never be this age and stage again

(See here for the full list)

Josh and Rachel went back to school on Monday - Grade 6 and 4 this year...

As part of my reflections on turning 40, I wanted to think through what was most important about the next 10 years.  One of the most startling realizations was that 10 years from now, Josh will be 21 and Rachel will be 19.  Whoa.

That revelation was a huge motivator for me to make sure that I really made them a priority over the Summer.  I know that there are only a limited number of Summers left where we'll have their full attention and so I'm grateful that I made lots of good choices about giving them my full attention, creating memories and spending lots of time with them.

When we first had kids, we got the same advice from lots of parents - embrace every stage, because they grow up so quickly.  That advice was 100% correct and I know that looking back, there are already stages that I really miss or have almost completely lost memory of.  As I step into my 40s, my desire is to make sure we are embracing these next ages and stages (as much as I am terrified about having a sassy teenage daughter), recognizing that each stage will only happen once and then it's gone.

I have already learned that every stage has it's joys and challenges and one of my major goals is to not look back with regret about having missed the joys or the challenges, especially if I missed them because I was doing things that I realized later were not actually that important.

In the end, it's all part of the same theme I'm focusing on more and more... be present in the moment but make choices based on what's going to matter in the long-term.

Friday 40 for 40s - #4: so... much... information!!

Item #18 that I'm learning I can't change is:

Every day, there is more new information being added to the internet than I can possibly keep up with

(see here for the full list)

One of my StrengthsFinder strengths is "Learner", which means I am in my sweet spot when I'm accumulating new knowledge and putting it into practice.  I love to discover new things, learn more about what makes things work and grow in my understanding of how to make things better.  The challenge is that there is always so much to learn and I know that one of the things that affects my state of mind more than just about anything else is the frantic feeling of not staying up to date.

As I've noted previously and will no doubt reference again, so much of the feeling of busyness that we experience is linked to technology.  Sure, I have a lot to do in my work life and my to do list is often quite long (like right now!).  If I'm really honest though, the feeling of being behind and not on top of things is just as much related to having not read through my facebook feed, that I'm terrible at keeping up on Twitter, that I have well over 100 articles to read from email subscriptions, that I haven't read the updates on NBCs ProBasketball Talk app and that there are so many movies and series in my Netflix list that I could take a month off and still not get through them all.  And that's without even talking about blogs, podcasts, websites, ...

I want to get better at accepting that there is not going to be a day when I am fully caught up on all the information that is available to me.  It's simply not possible.

I also want to accept that if/when I try to focus on those things, it is inevitably at the expense of other things I could be doing - especially relational opportunities with family and friends, most of which would have a lot more positive long-term impact.

As I process that, my major takeaways are these:

1. Let go of the desperate need to keep up.  If I miss status updates on facebook, so be it.  If some important news breaks and I don't hear about it, I'm sure eventually someone will let me know.  And no, I haven't watched any episodes of Orange is the New Black, Breaking Bad or a bunch of other series on Netflix and I probably never will.  I'm no less significant or capable because of it.

2. Continue to focus on intentionality.  It's great to stay informed, but if that's at the expense of what's really important, it's actually a waste of time.

3. Get some better processes in place to be able to access information when I need to.  I know there are tools that help to sort Twitter feeds, that it's possible to hide people's feeds on facebook that I really don't have contact with any more and I love being able to listen to podcasts at double speed.  I just need to make sure I leverage those tools and others so that I can actually use technology for what it's supposed to be - a really helpful servant, rather than a crushing, impossible-to-please master.

Friday 40 for 40s - #1: 40 things I can't change

This is the first of 40 posts that I'll be doing that come from my reflections on turning 40 (see this previous post for details).

One of the key things I wanted to do was to write down 40 things that I know I can't change but often forget I can't change.  My desire is to learn to accept these realities and learn from them - letting go of stressing about them, making changes to reflect them, changing priorities to recognize them.

Many of the other 40 for 40s will be expanded versions of these thoughts, but for now, here's the list... in no particular order.  Note that this is not meant to be an ultimate list, simply the list as it's come to mind.  I'm sure by the time I'm 50, there'll be a whole lot more I will have learned I can't change.

40 things I can’t change
1. Anything about my past – there is no point in having regrets
2. Natural talent will not take me any further than it has – only hard work and discipline will take me beyond the level I am today
3. I will never be younger than I am
4. Vacations are not real life – you always have to come to back to reality
5. I can’t get back $ that I’ve already spent
6. The grass is never greener on the other side
7. Our kids will never be this age and stage again
8. Gratitude is the only cure for consumerism
9. The weather – it is what it is and complaining or begrudging it will not change it
10. There are 168 hours each and every week – no-one else has any more (or less) time than I do
11. I have full control over how I spend those 168 hours
12. Exercise will never be something I jump out of bed wanting to do
13. God’s love for me, as shown in Jesus’ life, death and resurrection
14. There are more places in the world that I’d like to see than I will have resources and/or time to visit
15. Most memories only stay strong if they are accessed and reminisced regularly
16. If I don’t get something done, it’s because I made whatever else I did a higher priority
17. Integrity takes a long time to earn, but only seconds to lose
18. Every day, there is more new information being added to the internet than I can possibly keep up with
19. 20 seconds of courage is all it takes to overcome most obstacles
20. Any mistakes I’ve made – but I can learn from them
21. There will always be someone who is better at something than I am
22. I am not going to become a professional athlete
23. Being a great husband and father is as much about being fully present as it is about anything else
24. It is possible to find some good in every situation
25. I am not perfect and neither is anyone else I interact with
26. There will always be more books to read, movies to watch, sports to watch, TV shows to discover and music to listen to than I will have time for
27. I have been adopted into God’s family
28. Offering forgiveness is as important for me as it is for the other person
29. More money will not make me significantly happier
30. The moment I purchase new technology, it’s already been superceded
31. The time I go to bed has a direct correlation to how well I function the next day
32. I cannot guarantee the result of any sporting event I think about attending
33. I will never regret having spent more time with our kids, but I will regret having spent too much time doing anything else at the expense of spending time with them
34. Once you live anywhere for an extended period of time, it becomes normal and ceases to be exotic
35. Being a Pastor means accepting that there is never a moment when I can say “I have reached the finish line”
36. I am significantly sharper and more motivated when I work out at least 3 times per week
37. We live in an era of constant change
38. There is very rarely a “perfect” moment for anything
39. I will barely remember completing the level on any game I play 12 months from when it is completed
40. It’s better to focus on how much I don’t know, rather than how much I do

Monday Musings - life in a day

Over the weekend, I watched "Life in a Day" - a movie where thousands of people captured life for them on July 24th, 2010 and uploaded their videos to YouTube where the director then cut and spliced the footage together into a 90 minute film that is pretty amazing (you can watch it on Netflix or here).

For me, there were two standout reflections - how much we miss each day and what it means to preserve our memories.

The detail on some of the videos that were uploaded is nothing short of stunning, capturing so clearly a moment, a thought, an emotion.  It is a beautiful thing for someone to be able to know the best way to compose a shot or even simply to have an awareness of what was happening around them so as to capture it adequately.  It was yet another reminder for me that I often walk around with my eyes pretty much closed - there's so much beauty, pain, joy, life and colour in each and every day and I miss a lot of it because I'm overly consumed with what I'm doing.  I love being woken up and challenged to see the world with fresh eyes - it is truly a glorious world we live in.

I was also challenged about how important it is to capture a moment in time for the future.  Our kids are 9 and 7 and I look at other kids in our community who are 2 and under and I know that Josh and Rachel were that age once, but in some ways it is hard to remember.  Part of me is jealous for the people who did capture a moment in time - especially with their kids - because that's something they'll always have to transport them back to those precious moments.

Since watching it, I have been tossing around the idea of what it would look like for us as a family to capture "Life in a Day" on a regular basis - maybe twice each year on the same date - and to have a record of what we were thinking, what was important to us, who we were spending time with, what we were afraid of, what our hopes and dreams were.  As well as the memories, I'm sure it would also give some pretty interesting perspectives on how at different times we under- or over-estimate the significance of what we're processing.  Good idea, we'll see if it happens...

How can I look at the world with a fresh set of eyes tomorrow?
What is happening in my life right now that is far more or less significant than I realize?
How am I capturing moments in time - both for preservation and for reflection and perspective?

Monday Musings - finales and happy endings

Ali and I have been big fans of the TV show "House" pretty much since it started.  Over the last 8 years or so, there aren't many episodes we've missed and I think it was one of the most well-written dramas going around.

Sadly, it came to a conclusion last Monday, so it was with some trepidation that we sat down to watch the last episode... (I should confess here that I don't think there were many final episodes of any of the previous seasons where a few tears weren't shed).

**Spoiler alert** If you don't want to know what happens during the episode, you should probably stop reading now...

They had done a great job building up to the finale - setting up a number of plot possibilities and the episode did look like it was heading to a close with House dying in an explosion.  Sure, very sad way to finish, but in some ways, it kind of seemed appropriate.

However, it was all a ruse and in the end House lives and he and Wilson end up riding off on motorcycles as they live out the final months of Wilson's life (which we don't see).

While I think it was a good (not great) ending, I was left with a lingering question...

Why do we always look for a happy ending?


Think about it - there have been lots of shows that have wrapped up, but in the main, they end up being nicely resolved with some sort of happy ending (although someone did tell me that the Desperate Housewives finale finished with less of a happy ending - haven't ever watched that though, so I can't comment...)

I think that if ever a show was ripe for a sad, non-resolved ending, it was House (if you've watched it over the years, you know what I mean).  Yet here again, we return to "it all worked out in the end."

As I've thought more about it, I've reflected again on God's big story and been reminded about the way in which we believe that will end... us living at peace with God, each other and creation.  Forever.

In his book "Simply Christian", NT Wright talks about echoes - times and spaces where we hear an echo of something bigger and more profound - in beauty, in justice, in relationships, in our spiritual thirst.

I wonder whether happy endings are another echo - something that points us to a greater reality, where we inherently know "this is how it should all turn out" and causes us to live in greater hope, for now and the future.

How do I feel about happy endings?  Why is that?
Why are we wired to want everything to work out in the end?
How much confidence do I have in God's authoring of the great story and the way in which it will end?

the death of the mega-band?

I was on my way home this morning and a U2 song came on the radio. I'm not a massive U2 fan - I have been at different times, but I'm not one of those crazy "U2 is the best band in the world" people. However, hearing the song took me back to my teenage days and one of my youth leaders, who loved them and was partly responsible for introducing me to them.

I remember him being super excited and playing their tape (!) over and over again and it's only now, on reflection, that I realise how amazing it was for him to discover them. I don't know if he knew they were going to be as big as they became, but I can vividly remember how passionate he was about them and looking back now, I understand.

What got me thinking on the way home, though, was whether the idea of mega-bands/artists is something that we're not going to see again. By that, I mean those bands that basically everyone was in to - bands that were global phenomenons - The Beatles, The Stones, Led Zeppelin, U2, Queen. Those types of bands that would sell out 100,000 seat stadiums across the world.

Part of that is the change in the way we interact with music - there is so much music now, so many bands and so many different ways to access it, that we now have greater ability to pick and choose. Some people are even proud to say they only have bands on their ipod that no-one has heard of (you know who you are...) Everything has diversified so much, that I can't see think of any band or style of music in the last 10-15 years that has captivated a massive percentage of the population, the way some of those bands in the 60s-90s did. Yes, those bands are still huge, but most of that is because of those of us who encountered them during that time - which mega-bands do you know of that have people under 40 in them?

It is also because we get bored so easily, though - we consume so much music, and it's so easily available to us, that we feel like we need new music far more regularly. Yes, there are bands/artists that have made a global splash, but how many of them have continued on for the long haul?

However, I'm also not sure which bands/artists from the last 10 years would have had anywhere near the same impact, even if the playing field was the same...

For current artists, then, their goals and aspirations - as well as the ways of achieving those goals and aspirations - must have shifted also. The question I ponder is whether there are areas of my life/work that I'm trying to do the same as I would have in the 80s/90s, and whether I have made the shift, recognising that the game has changed.

colour

I'm amazed sometimes at the power of colour.

I was talking last night with some guys about NFL teams, and who we support. For me, because I wasn't raised on it, and because I'm not from any of the cities that have NFL teams, I don't really have any teams that I support fully. However, the teams that I do have a soft spot for are teams that have been successful, but more than that, for teams that have a lot of dark blue on their uniform (my favourite colour) - the Patriots, the Cowboys, even the Bills (yikes...)

In terms of baseball - same deal... Yankees, Twins...


Basketball - I'm more of a purist, so it is far more about the players (Go Cavs!)

I was thinking about that a bit more this morning, and walked out into a fairly grey and gloomy day, and realised how much difference that made, too. The weekend was spectacular - sunshine, blue skies... In fact, it was actually colder on the weekend than today, yet today felt colder and more dreary, because of the grey skies.

I'm sure there's a reason for it all, but it does amaze me that we can be so affected by the colour we see (consciously or not).

seasons

A lot of people have asked why on earth we'd want to move to a place as cold as Toronto. Having lived here for a bit, I've realised that there are far worse places we could live - like Winnipeg...

Regardless, I have to say that I'm really excited about being in a place where there are significant differences in the seasons. We moved here during the fall, and it was amazing to see the leaves turn - I've never seen such an explosion of colour. It was also fascinating to see that only last for about 2 weeks, then the trees started to shed their coats and take on the ghostly shapes they currently have. And as for the first snowfall... oh my gosh.


I've commented previously about some of these dynamics (here and here), but count it a privilege to be able to experience it first hand at a level I've never seen before.

I wonder how often I miss the opportunity to have those sorts of experiences in my spiritual walk, though? I'll often spend time trying to avoid hard times, to make my life nice and comfortable, because it's easier that way. In doing so, do I miss the colour life has to offer? Do I miss the (very real) breath-taking that happens on a cold winter's day? And even if that's not because I've decided to insulate myself inside, perhaps I miss it because I'm so dissatisfied about my circumstances that I'm only focused on what I don't have, rather than embracing the season I'm in, knowing it will change at some point?

I've said to lots of people that one of the reasons I think people in North America embrace summer so much is because they have the contrast of winter - they know they need to get out and enjoy summer, because it is, literally, only for a season. I've also had lots of people say that the only way to cope with the long dark cold of winter is to embrace it - to get out in it and enjoy it.

Personally, I can't wait to see the transformation as we hit spring - to see the trees start to sprout, the snow start to melt, to hear the birds begin to sing again (something I hadn't realised had stopped until someone pointed it out the other day...). I also can't wait for summer - to enjoy the heat, being outside, having picnics, going to playgrounds. But in the meantime, I'm going to put on my jacket, toque, scarf and gloves and enjoy the crisp white of winter!

2010

So... looks like I successfully managed to go a whole year without posting any thoughts. Something to be proud of? Doubtful.

Things have changed significantly in the last year - I have a new job, we live in a new city, in a new country, but thankfully our family is still the same (although we're older and hopefully better connected)

I feel like my blog is an opportunity for some people I'm meeting to get to know me a bit better, and for people I used to spend more time with to keep up with some of what's going on. Inspired by Sam Javanrouh I am also going to try and keep my camera closer and keep more of a visual record of our life. Here's one example from a trip to High Park with Josh on Wednesday (many of the photos on my flickr page are better, but this is the most recent...):


In the spirit of a new year, it's also worth pondering what things will be like in 12 months time. 2009 brought a lot of changes for us, most of which I would not, had you asked me at this time last year, have thought were even on the radar. I wonder what life will be like at the start of 2011, and how much influence I will have exerted over that. Obviously some things will unfold around me (which I feel is important - I'd like to continue the journey of letting things go...), but I'd also like to think that I've purposefully moved from where I am now to where I am then, rather than it just happening by accident. We'll see.

a moment?

One of my first blogs was about Bobby, the movie about Robert F. Kennedy, and some questions it raised for me about whether people are aware, in the moment, of the impact they (and particularly their words) may have on history.

Today has been a monumental day, and I feel humbled and honoured to have been able to watch as Barack Obama was elected to be the 44th President of the United States of America.  In reflecting in the hours that have passed since his victory speech, I've been thinking back to those early musings, and have continued to wonder about people's awareness in these moments.  I think (hope) that we're all aware of the significance of Obama's speech, and the potential for it to enter into history as one of "those" moments - the "yes, we can" element of the speech, in particular.  

What has also struck me, though, is that it is a moment of hope.  Hope that was so clearly etched on the faces (and in the tears) of those who celebrated in Grant Park, Times Square, and in so many other places.  Hope that came through in Obama's speech.  Hope that maybe we stand on the edge of something great - of a restoration, of a re-ordering.  Hope that from this moment forward, things will be different.  There is no guarantee that we have witnessed one of those moments, today, but I'm sure as Obama strode out onto that platform, he was aware of the potential, aware of the hope.  

Should Obama deliver on that hope, then yes, this speech (and, I would imagine) a number of his other speeches so far, and yet to come, will indeed mark turning points.  We will, for decades to come, look back, as we do now on JFK, on Martin Luther King, Jr, on Robert F. Kennedy, and remember where we were when these events took place.

I have to confess, though that while I have hope, I have fear, also.  My greatest fear is of someone doing something stupid - as happened to each of those leaders I've just mentioned.  Yes, that will also become a moment, but it will be a moment when hope is crushed, destroyed.  I also fear that Obama will be unable to deliver on the promises and hope that he's created - that the expectation of change which has swept him to the Oval Office will be insatiable, unrealistic, and, in the end, undeliverable.

Let's pray I am wrong on both counts, and that hope wins the day.

what josh is teaching me about God #8

Yesterday, Ali and I took Josh to his orientation afternoon at school, which he starts next year.  Josh met his teacher, spent some time in his room, while we went with the other parents and were given info on what we needed to get ready, forms we needed to fill out, etc.  Needless to say, it was a bit of a rollercoaster arvo - excitement for Josh, encouragement about what a great school he's going to, but also realisation that our little boy is growing up, that we're heading into a very different phase of life and parenting, that there are going to be some challenges ahead.

As Ali and I were talking about it last night, I said that it's a strange pivot point as parents.  In some ways, we've spent the first 5 years of Josh's life "reeling him in" - trying to teach him boundaries, set foundations, teaching him control.  From next year, in effect, we begin the process of letting him back out - allowing him to become more and more independent over the coming years, in the hope that by the time he finishes at school, he'll be able to stand on his own two feet.

As often happens during these reflections, my mind then turned to the way in which my fatherhood is a reflection of my relationship with God.  Through this, I began to think about the faith journey, and wondered if there is some correlation here.  Is it possible that the first part of our faith journey is about God teaching us the basics, giving us boundaries, setting foundations, learning self-control?  Then, as we grow, God begins to "let us back out", to trust that the heart-work that's been done has prepared us to be able to stand on our own feet a bit more.

Now, I fully realise that in saying this, it could be perceived that I'm implying that God wants us to stand without him, but I'm not.  I'm simply pondering whether part of the maturity process (including God allowing us to go through difficult times, where our faith is tested) is related around a similar type of pivot point.  

Again, perhaps the first phase of our journey of faith is very much like the first 5 years of life - learning to walk, to talk, to write, to comprehend, and, in the midst of that, to learn that life is not a free-for-all, but there are boundaries that we need to live within, if we are going to function as part of society.  But that's not the end.  God gives us the opportunity to "start school" at some point - to begin to put into practice the things we've learned, continue to grow, continue to expand, discover what it means to live for others, not just ourselves.