lusting after church

In recent times, I've had some conversations with different people who are thinking about where they're at in their involvement with their church.  Sometimes, I find these conversations difficult, because, as a shaper in a church, I have a vested interest in what we're doing at CitySoul, and obviously believe strongly in what we're doing, and the way we're doing it.

My tendency is to hold back talking about what we're doing, particularly with people who are struggling in the communities they are currently part of, because I want them to work through the issues, and help their church become even more healthy, rather than just up and leaving.  In one of these recent conversations, I found myself saying something which I think is a helpful analogy, and which I've since used a couple more times.  

In some ways, being part of a faith community is like being in a relationship (hopefully it's a lot like being in a lot of relationships, but bear with me...)  When you are in a relationship with someone, it doesn't matter how attractive anyone else is, while you are in the relationship you're in, you should not be looking, and especially not lusting...  

Yes, there are times when it's tempting, but if you're in a relationship, you should be focussed on working through any issues, resolving problems, looking to strengthen that relationship, not find an easy out by chasing after someone else who might seem more attractive.  The reality is that all relationships require hard work, dedication, and, as far as I know, all people have issues of some sort, so while the change might be nice for a while, the gloss will wear off (and is it even possible you are the cause of some of those problems... so won't you take them into any other relationship you head into?)

Now, if the relationship is not working, is not going anywhere, is harmful, etc, then you need to leave that relationship, and it's at that point that you can begin to look at who else is around (but it's still important to work through the issues that caused the breakup).

I think it would be helpful if more people had those concepts in mind as they thought about their involvement with any given church.  While you are a part of that church, you are in a relationship, and it doesn't matter how attractive other churches are, you're "taken", so stop lusting!  All churches have people in them, and if they have people, that means there are going to be issues.  Some communities might hide them better than others, or for longer, but there will be issues somewhere (even with CitySoul!).

Now, again, if that relationship is not working (and there are times when it is absolutely appropriate to end a relationship and move on, for the benefit of both parties), then aim for a healthy close to the relationship, work through the issues that caused the "breakup", and once that chapter has closed, only then should you start looking at what else is around.