40 for 40s #14: no guarantees

Item #32 that I'm learning I can't change is:

I cannot guarantee the result of any sporting event I think about attending

Sunday night is Superbowl XLIX when the Seattle Seahawks will try to win back to back titles against the New England Patriots, who will play in their 6th Superbowl of the Belichick/Brady era.  As a Patriots fan who started following them in the early 00s when they won 3 in 4 years, I'm fairly nervous.  I have vivid memories of the Pats losing the Superbowl in 2012 and 2008 and I'm not sure if I can handle watching them lose another.  Sadly, this Superbowl has been tainted by #deflategate (if you don't know what that means, you haven't missed much) but I choose not to comment on those allegations here other than to say... really?

Instead, the purpose of this post is to focus on the fickle unpredictability of sporting events.  I first learned this lesson on October 19, 1996.  I will admit I had to do some searching to find the date... but I clearly remember the circumstances.  I was a huge Adelaide 36ers fan (Adelaide's team in the Australian National Basketball League), having held season tickets for a couple of years.  They made the playoffs and in the 2nd round, I was there to witness them lose a heartbreaker at home in game 1 to the South East Melbourne Magic.

One of my friends made the crazy suggestion that we drive to Melbourne (a 9.5 hour drive) for game 2 a few days later and we decided to go for it.  We left super early (4 am or so) and arrived in Melbourne mid afternoon.  After a pleasant afternoon on the banks of the Yarra River, we went in with high expectations about our heroes defeating the evil villains in black...

The result?  The 6ers were pounded, losing by 31 points and were out of the playoffs (it was a best of 3 series).  We were so depressed, we walked out of the arena at the end of the game, got back in the car and drove straight home.  It was just over 24 hours from when we left Adelaide to when we arrived back.  Some road trip.

In the aftermath of our failed quest, it hit me... there was never any guarantee that the 6ers would win and that this was a universal truth in the sporting world.

Many, many years later and after a number of experiences of celebrating victory (Adelaide Crows back to back AFL titles in 97 and 98, 36ers championships in 98 and 99, Chicago Bulls victories in 96, 97, 98 (97-99 really were great years!)) and many more losses (too many to even bother naming), I'm even more aware than ever that there is no point in me choosing to attend a sporting event or even watch one with an expectation of guaranteed victory.

This most important part of this lesson is that it gives me perspective about the choice to spend significant amounts of money attending sporting events.  As someone who is often acutely aware of history in the making, there's a part of me that would love to be present to soak up those moments.  I would love to have been there to see the Jays win their World Series; to have seen Jordan hit the game winner in Game 6 of the 98 finals; even to have seen Jeter in his final game at Yankee Stadium.  Yet those moments are rare and given that there are no guarantees, it is questionable whether it's a great use of money to hope something amazing will happen - especially for big ticket items.

Instead, I'd rather focus on what I know is guaranteed wins - investing in relationships, spending time with people (yes, sometimes at sporting events), putting our money into things that will have a long-lasting (and definite) impact.

On Sunday night, I'll be watching the game at home, hoping against hope that the Pats can get over the line.  While I'd love to be there if they do, I couldn't cope with net result of spending the money on airfares, hotel, tickets and food if they don't.  Some may call that pessimism.  Some would say "even if they do win, it's still a waste of money!"  I call it another 40 for 40 lesson.

Go Pats!!

Friday 40 for 40s - #13: travel

Item #14 that I'm learning I can't change is:

There are more places in the world that I’d like to see than I will have resources and/or time to visit

My first international trip happened in 2006 when I travelled to the US.  It was an incredibly significant moment for me - I was on my own and there was something about being able to go on a significant journey, making my way through multiple airports, customs, immigration and to experience a different culture that really awakened something in me.

Until that point I didn't have much of a desire to travel much - it was a nice idea, but it wasn't high on my priority list.  I'm not even sure what it was that changed, but there's no question that once I returned from that first trip, the idea of seeing other cities became something of a passion piece.

I'm very grateful that since then I've been able to travel to London and Bulawayo (Zimbabwe), as well as multiple trips to Chicago, New York and Los Angeles and to see Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, Boston and Washington DC.  I know many of our Canadian friends would also love to see many of the places we saw when we lived in Australia, too - Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Cairns, Perth... and of course Adelaide!

What I've discovered in my travels is that there really isn't an end point - I'd love to see the East coast of Canada, would love to visit Europe (especially Italy, France and Spain) and there are few people who wouldn't be happy to spend some time on a beach in the Caribbean (especially at this time of year!!)  I know there's little to no chance that we'll have the financial resources to be able to visit all those places, nor the many others that would be amazing to see but don't make the top priority list.  In the end, the more places that we visit, the more places we'd like to visit, let alone going back to spend more time at the places we enjoyed most.

While I'm sure that we'll continue to make it a priority to do some travel, my sense is that in the years to come, I'll let go of the desire to see everything and instead be more intentional about investing our time and resources in decisions that will have a greater impact that just good memories.

Friday 40 for 40s - #12: exercise

Items #12 and 36 that I'm learning I can't change are:

Exercise will never be something I jump out of bed wanting to do

but

I am significantly sharper and more motivated when I work out at least 3 times per week

Sport and exercise have always been a big part of my life.  At different times in my life, I've been heavily involved in basketball and tennis and I had a gym membership for many years.  In 2013 my gym shut down and I decided to buy some equipment for a home gym with the money I would have spent on a membership that year.

My biggest issue with regular exercise, especially since I stopped playing basketball regularly, has been that I'm not a morning person (at all...) and I've secretly hoped that as I got older I'd magically feel more motivated to get up and exercise.  As I passed 40, I realized that's probably not going to change at any point going forward and it's something that I simply need to make a priority or it won't happen.

Having equipment downstairs in our basement meant that over the last couple of years I was able to get into a fairly decent routine of exercising 3 times each week - it's amazing how much easier it is to get up and exercise in the winter knowing that I didn't have to scrape the ice or snow off the car, put on a coat, trackpants, gloves, etc, etc just to get to the gym.

Getting into that routine has made me aware how much sharper and clearer I am when I make it a priority.  I can now tell when I've skipped a few days in a row - initially I can't work out why I'm not as productive or effective, but then I think about when I worked out last and it all makes sense.  One workout and boom... back to being focused again.

The change that has been the most helpful for me has been to look at my schedule at the start of each week on a Sunday night or Monday morning and decide, on the basis of when I have early starts or late nights, when I'm most likely to be able to get up an extra 45-60 mins earlier to be able to workout.  It's made a huge difference and has also meant that I've been able to often find "bonus" days to squeeze in an extra one.

While I wish that I had the ability to flick a switch and suddenly become a morning person, I'm grateful that I've been able to navigate through what works best so that I can make exercise a priority, knowing how much of a difference it makes - in the present and for the future.

Friday 40 for 40s - #11: leveraging natural talent

Item #2 that I'm learning I can't change is:

Natural talent will not take me any further than it has – only hard work and discipline will take me beyond the level I am today

I've always been someone who has had a moderate level of natural ability in a number of areas - I can play a couple of musical instruments, have a reasonable level of sporting ability (I can generally hit, throw and catch most balls) and have a decent ability to think linearly and strategically.

As I turned the page into my 40th year, I've realized that most of those natural talents are probably going to decline in the years to come.  That's not supposed to sound defeatist, I simply know that my physical and mental capacities will never be as sharp as they were when I was in my 20s or 30s.  Rather than feel bad about that, I recognize it means that I need to be more disciplined and diligent at working on the areas that I want to either keep or develop further.

Looking back, I can see that in my teens and 20s, I was convinced that if I could just tap more into my natural talents, I'd magically improve.  I quickly began to realize that I would never have the musical ability of a Matthew Bellamy or Daniel Johns, the sporting ability of a Michael Jordan or LeBron James or the leadership capacity of a Warren Buffet or Andy Stanley.  However, as I've matured and learned more about those people and many others, I've discovered that even with the natural ability they had, each of them maximized what they had been given through sacrifice, hard work and discipline and that whatever ability I had or will ever have, I need to make the same choices.

One of my biggest hopes for this next decade is to focus more and more on the opportunities that God puts in front of me while also zooming in on the areas where I have above average natural gifting, learning, reading and training about what it means to leverage those strengths to be as effective as I can be.

Friday 40 for 40s - #10: Memories

Item #15 that I'm learning I can't change is:

Most memories only stay strong if they are accessed and reminisced regularly

As we turned the page from 2014 to 2015 I spent some time sorting our photos for 2014, including making a folder of the best of 2014.  I've realized that if I don't do this each year, we simply have too many photos to easily look through (the curse of digital photography...), but having a smaller sample of these photos allows us to easily flick back through the year and remember all that happened.  At some point I'm hoping to take these photos and make a movie with some of our favourite songs from last year to make it even easier (and more enjoyable) to look back on.

One important reason why I've made this a priority is because I'm convinced that a lot of what we do and don't remember (especially from our childhood and adolescence) is tied to how frequently we access memories around those times.  For our kids, they have clear memories of a few trips that we've taken because we made photo books of those trips and try to pull them out on a regular basis.  Seeing the places we went to and key moments we had help the memories to stay fresh in their minds.

I've become more and more aware of the importance of journalling for the same reason.  Journalling is an important spiritual discipline for me because I find it helpful to be able to get out on paper how I'm feeling, what I've been processing and what's on my mind as I head into each day.  However, last year on one of my personal retreats, I took my journals with me and re-read them and was grateful to be able to reflect on and be transported back to specific moments and to realize areas where I'd grown, where I'd changed and also where I'd still not taken the opportunity to move on in certain areas.

As someone who is wired to look forward and to focus on what needs to be "fixed", I know how important it is to be able to look back and remember, to be reminded about the good things that have happened (not just the mistakes or missed opportunities), to practice gratitude for all the everyday moments and significant events and to be able to see where things have changed and moved.

Looking forward to seeing how it all unfolds in 2015!